


Cupid will shoot you in the ass

by MarvellousFics12



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: AU, Alcohol was involved, Clint thinks he's cupid, Domestic Avengers, M/M, Matchmaking, Mutual Pining, bow and arrow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 03:00:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17417786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarvellousFics12/pseuds/MarvellousFics12
Summary: Clint takes a swig of Asgardian mead, and now he thinks he's cupid.It ends better than expected.





	Cupid will shoot you in the ass

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like it!   
> Leave comments and kudos, and have a good day

“I gotta have some of that.” Clint said, making grabby hands at Thor.  
“No, no, no. See this, this was aged for a thousand years in the barrels built from the wreck of Runhills fleet. It is not meant for mortal men.” Thor explained.  
“Mortal? You callin’ me mortal? I’ll prove it to ya!” Clint slurred. He might be a little drunk already, but his hands were still fast. He quickly snatched the flask from Thor and took a big gulp before Thor could grab it back.  
“Jeez Clint. Please don’t die on us.” Steve sighed.   
“Bitch, I’m immortal!” Clint belted out before starting on the song he was hearing.  
~

“How long ago did he take that swig?” Tony asked.  
“’Bout an hour and a half ago.” Steve informed Tony, rolling his eyes at Clint who was trying to, and failing at, twerking.  
“In that timespan he’s already tried kissing Sam twice, he’s cuddled Bruce and told him he thinks green brings out his eyes, he’s slapped both Thor and me on the ass, telling us we’re, and I’m quoting here, ‘hot pieces of ass’, and last but not least he’s been impersonating a spy for the last thirty minutes. He’s clinging to walls, checking if there’s no-one behind him, and he karate chops the air every time you try to talk to him.”  
“How can he be bad at being a spy?” Tony laughed.  
“This is exactly the reason why Clint wasn’t allowed to drink that mead.” Natasha answered. She’d been drinking all evening too, but didn’t seem the least bit affected.   
Russians.

Sam was now at all times on the other side of the room from where Clint was. The kissing accidents had caused that.  
Bruce was in conversation with Thor about the mead. He figured learning something about Clint’s cause of death was always a good thing.  
Natasha snorted at Bruce’s reasoning.  
~

“Where’s Clint?” Sam asked the others. He’d stopped watching the man when he hadn’t been kissed for two more hours, figuring the coast was clear.  
“I don’t know. He was ranting on about how great lamps were to Tony for a bit.” Steve answered, shrugging, “Tony actually seemed interested.”  
“Tony! Where’s Barton?” Natasha asked.  
“Hmm? How should I know?” He responded.  
“He was ranting about lamps. Where did he go next?” Natasha continued.  
“I told him he could go to that door and play with the light switch for a little. That really got him stoked. I saw him skipping over there.” Tony grinned.  
“I have not seen any lights flicker this evening, Tony. Mustn’t he have gone elsewhere?” Thor inquired.   
“Why don’t we ask JARVIS?” Tony nodded to the ceiling.   
“Agent Barton is currently in hallway 34, room 7B.” JARVIS responded.  
Tony nodded wisely at that, “See? Nothing to wo-“  
Steve interrupted Tony with a shout of “That’s weapons!” before turning towards the door.  
“Guys!” Came a voice from the hallway, “Look what I found!” Clint came stumbling into the room, holding his bow and a quiver full of arrows.  
“Shit.” Bruce muttered.  
“It’s even got my name on it! You guys know what this means?”  
Clint continued, “It means that I am cupid!” He slurred and spun a circle on the balls of his feet like a ballerina. Just less graceful. A lot less.  
“Bruce, you best get out.” Tony whispered, nudging him towards the kitchen.  
Natasha came up to Clint, “Clint, you’re drunk and you need to go to sleep. Come on.”  
“Noo! I am cupid. You know why?” Clint didn’t continue.  
“Alright, tell us why, Clint.” Tony asked.  
“Because I know someone has a crush, and I have a bow, and arrows! And I feel love for all of you, so that makes me cupid.” Clint snickered, nodding wisely at his own reasoning.  
Before anyone could react properly, the bow was already strung, an arrow pointing at the Avengers.  
“Let’s not shoot anyone, Clint. Put the bow down.”  
“Okay.” Clint responded.  
Steve sighed in relief, but he was too early.  
“But only after I’ve let love flow through the blood of my friends!” He smiled.  
“Clint, all that’s gonna flow is just blood. Nothing else.”  
“But Tony! I’m doing this for him!” Clint reasoned, pointing the arrow in the general direction of Steve.  
“He’s got a crush..” Tony breathed. It stung a little.  
“Clint, will you please put down the arrow. I’m not willing to die over this.” Steve tried placating Clint, hoping he wouldn’t fire the arrow, knowing Clint was a good shot, even when intoxicated beyond reason.  
Clint sang-sung “Love for you, and love for you!” While shifting the arrow from Steve towards Tony.  
Tony’s eyes widened, “Clint, you’re being ridiculous right now. How about we put the arrow down and just-“ But before he could finish the sentence a weight slammed into him, effectively working him to the ground.  
When Tony could finally breathe again he looked up at the bundle of muscle on top of him, “What the hell, Rogers?” He whispered. Tony was trying very hard to ignore the taut muscles that were Steve’s arms, currently cornering his head.  
“He let the arrow fly.” Steve breathed.  
“Are you alright?” Thor asked.  
“Yeah, ehm, yeah.” Steve coughed, pulling Tony up with him.

Thankfully, Natasha got angry at Clint for almost killing Tony, so she threatened Clint in a few different languages, which had the desired effect. He was in bed within 20 minutes.

Which now left an awkward silence, hanging in the communal room, where Steve, Tony, Sam and Thor were still sitting, cleaning up what the party had left behind.  
“So, I need to show you something, somewhere else. Come on.” Sam told Thor, winking at Steve, not even trying to be inconspicuous.  
Steve hated him.  
“I’m sorry I tackled you.” Steve rubbed his neck, knowing Tony would be black and blue.  
“Meh. The other option was being shot, so I guess I should thank you.” Tony grinned, punching Steve’s shoulder playfully.  
A silence stretched before Tony spoke up again, “So, eh, Clint was pretty out of it, hmm? Think he knows what he implied?”  
“Are you asking if he knows about you having a crush on me?” Steve smirked, waggling his eyebrows.  
“How about your crush on me, Capsicle?” Tony poked Steve in the belly.  
“Well, Clint is not one for lying.” Steve responded, hoping Tony would get the hint that Steve did have a crush, but wasn’t sure about admitting it just yet.  
Tony raised an eyebrow, but nodded, “Well, how about we go out to dinner tomorrow, to celebrate that I wasn’t killed by cupid?”   
Steve looked wide-eyed at Tony for a second, while a cute blush rose to his cheeks, “Eh, yeah. I’d like that. It’s definitely something worth celebrating.”  
“Good. It’s a date. See ya tomorrow, Steve.” Tony kissed Steve’s cheek before heading towards his bedroom.

Guess Clint was a good match-maker after all.


End file.
